All These Things That I've Been Told

So it's unbelievably nearing the middle of November! I can't believe how fast the time seems to flit by now! I wish it would go just a little faster and get me to the end of the semester though!

I'm having all kinds of issues with school. They told us at the beginning of the year that this might happen and how to avoid it but I didn't really believe I needed to worry about it. They said you may feel like the first couple weeks of class are review from high school but not to become complacent. Unfortunately I did just that.

As I sit right now I will end this semester with unimpressive grades, I'll be lucky to pull a 3.0 after being spoiled on a 3.74 for high school. I haven't been to my chemistry lecture in almost 2 months now... I started off by skipping one Friday class with telling myself I'd go back the next Monday, I've never been back lol. The thing that confuses me is I just don't really care. My only motivation is that good grades will hopefully get me a good job but for some reason that's not really enough to motivate me.

I always used to laugh about stories of people skipping class because I always thought it's so easy to go to class, and it is, yet I always find some justification not to go. I constantly battle with myself, but just like the person who plans a new exercise routine that will start tomorrow and then it never happens, I keep falling into the same trap. Why don't I care anymore!? The only class I think I'll get an A in is Engineering Projects because in that class I actually get to work with my hands and build things and think creatively whereas calculus and chemistry are both dull and drab to me. I was raised with the mindset that a C is a bad grade but I just can't think that way anymore... Every time I get a bad grade back it stings but then I never do anything to get a better grade on the next chance.

I'm in danger of needing to retake Chemistry because as an Engineer you are required to get at least a 63% in Chemistry before you can take any of the upper division engineering classes. At the moment my two mid terms a 59% and a 65% average out to a 62%, so I wouldn't meet the requirement if class ended today. I feel pathetic but I can't find the resolve to get things done anymore.

I'm hoping that taking a Maymester (1 month summer course) in Italy will provide me a much needed breath of fresh air and give me some perspective because at the moment I don't think I'm going to cut it...