Picking Up The Pieces...

Well the semester is over and grades are in. It is as I feared, my lack of focus in the past few years since coming to college has taken its toll this semester. My GPA continues to creep lower and I am more doubtful and confused than ever as to the direction my life is heading.

I keep telling myself it'll all work out in the end and that I just have to keep plugging along until it does. That's also what I told myself about Chemistry this semester. If you aren't already aware, I enjoy Chemistry about as much as getting smacked when I'm horribly sunburned. Wait, that's not fair, sunburn smackdowns are rather pleasant by comparison. Anyway the point is I detest Chemistry, and combining that with a lack of motivation proved to be a lethal combination for me this time around. Unfortunately I picked a major that deems Chemistry a necessary river to cross and instead I got swept away.

This is the first time I've ever legitimately failed a class. As in, I can't move on unless I retake it. I was going insane trying to make it through the first time so I can't even begin to fathom how I'm supposed to do it all again and this time do it better.

I consider myself to be a fairly rational individual. I understand that there is so much more to life than all of the little pressures and requirements we create for ourselves. But I'll admit, when I got my grades I freaked out. To the point of in my desperation actually meeting with an admissions advisor to a technical institute and reviewing the procedure of withdrawing from school. I was done with college, at least the state run kind. I couldn't cut it. I was ready to tuck my tail between my legs and give up.

But luckily I talked with my parents (thanks mom and dad) and slept on it and by morning I felt silly for ever having gotten so worked up about this situation in the first place. Maybe I'm not doomed to be a hobo who is ridiculed by all those who passed Chemistry.

I do feel better about things now, but I still have nights where I'm a little depressed. I just feel like everything is out of control and the days just fly by so fast I don't have time to think and figure out what I'm supposed to do!

I wish life would just give me a break for a little while and stop pitching knuckleballs!

But when all is said and done at the end of the day, I feel like I have no right to complain when there are so many more people out there who have such worse problems and yet they're able to keep going. Unfortunately though whenever I have this thought it makes me feel worse because I feel bad for feeling bad... *sigh*

At least the weather's nice...